


Driftwood

by jarpad



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Convin, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Gavin Reed Redemption, Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Oneshot, POV Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Peaceful Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Reed800 - Freeform, Suggestive Themes, Swearing, clearly there's gonna be swearing this is gavin reed we are talking about, connor still struggles with things but a helping hand goes a long way, i will make this a tag and you can't do anything to stop me, just a short piece i wrote a while back, meanin they be flirting HARD, no beta we die like men, sickening love, they are in love, this man is already redeemed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28619103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarpad/pseuds/jarpad
Summary: Connor didn’t quite know what he was thinking about. He just knew that his thoughts kept happening. Thinking about a topic with some clarity, and then that topic… faded. A heavy kind of silence in his head that he couldn’t help but get lost in. Unmoving and quiet.It felt as though a thick blanket of snow had settled on top of him, and Gavin was above that snow. Now and then sound or thoughts would filter through more clearly, just for a few moments, before the quiet swallowed him up once more.___________________A domestic evening takes a turn. Connor doesn't understand what's happening right away, but Gavin is there to help out.
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Driftwood

**Author's Note:**

> _CW: Dissociation_  
>  Please let me know if you think I've misrepresented any topics in this story. It's worth considering that not everyone has the same experiences when it comes to mental health, but I am always willing to learn.
> 
> Take care x

Connor didn’t quite know what he was thinking about. Just that his thoughts kept happening. Thinking about a topic with some clarity, and then that topic… faded. A heavy kind of silence in his head that he couldn’t help but get lost in. Unmoving and quiet.

He glanced down at the countertop where there were a pile of vegetables waiting to be prepared. Connor had offered to cook alongside Gavin for his evening meal. So far, the android had halved a red and green bell pepper, and was carefully deseeding and slicing them with a knife. Movements slow. Clearing away the debris methodically and gentle.

A few times he caught himself doing this slower than was perhaps helpful, and had to mentally shake himself to speed up. Only to find not long later, he was doing the same thing once more.

If Gavin had noticed Connor’s substandard pace, he hadn’t mentioned it.

Connor wasn’t even sure if he _was_ being slow _,_ or if he just… felt slow. Staring at the peppers. Deseeded finally.

“Hey.”

The android blinked. Looked up at the other.

“Yeah?”

“You finished with those?”

Connor glanced down at the vegetables. The simple question seemed to take a little longer to process than usual.

“I… Yeah. Yes.” He said, eyes fixed on the green and red pieces. “I’m finished with them.”

“Aight.”

Connor’s gaze followed them briefly as the chopping board moved from in front. Gavin was taking it, sweeping the peppers into a roasting dish and…

something… 

“Connor?”

He searched a moment, locating the detective.

“Yeah.”

“You okay?”

“Fine.”

“Sure?”

Connor was being slow, wasn’t he. “What… do you want me to do next?”

He couldn’t quite keep his eyes fixed on Gavin. They kept straying to the side, to nothing. Staring for a few moments.

His thoughts felt thick. Muted sometimes. Louder at others. 

Gradually becoming aware that this was happening right now.

Connor was…

He was…

“You wanna slice that up?” Gavin asked.

It took a few moments to understand what ‘that’ was. Chorizo. Okay.

“Okay.”

It was strange how his perception kept shifting. One moment he would be knowingly be preparing the food in front, the next, he didn’t even have a label for what he was seeing. Like each time he looked upon the scene it was brand new, and his processors had to figure out what everything was all over again. But those processors lagged, so for several seconds he would be staring down at the chopping board and not understanding what it was, until the names of things would finally come to him.

This was odd.

He was being obvious? It felt like he was. This thought process, for example. Connor knew something was up, yet he wasn’t saying anything. He was just carrying on and he didn’t really know why. The only plausible goal right now was to finish this current task. That was all there was. Yet he wasn’t even focusing on the task. This was why it was so perplexing. Contradictory.

It felt as though a thick blanket of snow had settled on top of him, and Gavin was above that snow. Now and then sound or thoughts would filter through more clearly, just for a few moments, before he got swallowed up again.

Connor had no idea how long it took him to prepare the food. Just that when it was done, he washed his hands and stood at the sink for longer that he probably needed too.

At least he wasn’t panicking. He didn’t feel that need right now. In fact he felt immeasurably calm. Just… heavy. Quiet.

It was strange… like he was aware, yet, not aware. He essentially knew what was happening around him, but he just wasn’t quite processing it in the same way he usually might. He knew that he and Gavin were cooking a meal. That Gavin was preparing some vegetables, and Connor had just washed his hands. And that was sort of where… the awareness ended. Now and then he would just be reminded of these facts. Like he had forgotten them, and then they distantly appeared in his mind again, almost as a sort of gentle reminder.

Staring down at the sink for a few more moments, he finally caught himself and pulled back into action. Walked over to the tablet where the recipe was and looked down, reading the instructions. At least… he thought he was reading them? Maybe. The words didn’t really seem to register as words. He was staring at the page, focused on one spot.

**_3\. Put_ **

For some reason that was all he could read. The rest of the words around it weren’t words.

“What do you want… me to do now?” He asked to no one. To Gavin, maybe. Eyes fixed on that single number and word.

A little later, hands appeared in front. They twisted the tablet to the side, so Connor was left staring at the marble countertop instead for several seconds. Blinked. Looked up to search for the other. Gavin was frowning.

“Con, can you look at me?”

Wasn’t he already?

Oh. No, he was looking down again. That was odd.

“Hey. Eyes up, Yellow.”

Yellow…?

Why could he not make himself look?

“Connor, I think you might be disassociating.”

It took him several long moments to figure out what that word meant.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Gavin said.

That… wasn’t a helpful thing to do, was it.

“… Sorry.” He said. It came out quiet. Dazed. Eyes fixed on something, but he didn’t really know what. 

There was a hand in front of him, held out. Connor regarded it for a moment, unsure of what it meant.

“C’mon.” Gavin prompted.

Connor didn’t know what that meant.

“Hold my hand, Connor.”

A little later, he complied. The hand was warm. It squeezed his own.

“Squeeze it.” Gavin said. “My hand.”

“Mm.”

Gavin said something else, but the words hadn’t translated. Connor was still trying to squeeze the hand in his. It sort of worked, but he couldn’t do much more.

“Show me those eyes.”

That was a harder task. He kept losing the thread of what he was doing, meeting the man’s gaze for barely a few seconds, before his own dropped without realising it.

“You’re disassociating, Connor. Try and snap out of it.”

He was?

“… I am?”

“Focus on me. Look up, here, Con. Look at me.”

Translating that sentence took several long moments.

Look.

Gavin wanted him to look.

“That’s it. Keep those eyes up here, alright? Ah ah— here, Connor. Up here, on me. Tell me what you see.”

Why was it so hard to keep looking at him?

Every so often he realised he wasn’t looking, but had no memory of when he’d looked away. It kept happening and he didn’t understand how.

“Hard… to…” He mumbled.

“I know. You’re doing real fuckin’ well. How’s about this.” One hand rested on his shoulder, and the other still in Connor’s… still in… “Look around the room. Tell me somethin’ you can see.”

A moment later Gavin stepped aside, hand squeezing Connor’s tight.

“What can you see?”

Connor tried. He tried hard, because he could _feel_ himself slipping into something deeper. Opened his mouth a few times, trying to form words. Trying to actually process the terms for the things he was seeing.

He pointed at the closest thing to him.

“Out loud, Con. Use your voice.”

Connor struggled.

“Keep going, you got it.” Gavin encouraged.

It was on the tip of his tongue.

“Tablet.” He finally got out, eyes fixed on the small device on the counter, not too far away.

“Hell yeah. What else can you see? Pick another thing.” Gavin urged. Squeezed Connor’s hand. The android managed to weakly squeeze back.

Slowly but surely, Connor was able to point out several more things with a little more prompting from Gavin. Then the man asked him what things he could feel, which was an easier task. Gavin’s hand in his own. The cool marble countertop. The warmth in the air from the pre-heating oven.

Gavin asked what he could hear? That was trickier, for some reason. Things had felt somewhat muted already, but it was thankfully starting to become clearer. He chose Gavin’s voice. And the hum from the refrigerator. The traffic outside.

Smell? Paprika from the seasoning. Fresh sage leaves and orange zest.

“What about taste? Tell me something you can taste.”

“Androids don’t taste.” Connor said after a beat, eyes landing on Gavin’s. Searching. Finding it easier to hold the gaze now.

“… Wait, what?”

“I don’t taste. Not like a human.”

“I thought you liked the taste of Thirium.”

“It’s… It’s not that simple.” Connor fumbled.

“Explain it to me.”

Connor knew what Gavin was doing. Getting him to talk like this, even if Connor’s sentences were short and sporadic. It was enough to just engage him in conversation: something that would activate the parts of his AI that had shut down.

He loved Gavin.

_So_ much.

A somewhat shoddy explanation later, the android was truly starting to feel more alert. Sometimes he would slip back a little, but not enough to be troublesome. Something he could come back from with a gentle nudge or reminder.

He felt awake. Present.

It was so unusual to wonder how Connor hadn’t noticed what was happening sooner. Now, he was conscious of the things that were going on around him, but before it had been cloudy. He’d been so detached, yet not in a frightening way. Just… unaware. But safe. It was worrying to think he hadn’t noticed the difference. It must have been a gradual thing. Slowly slipping into it. There was no way to pinpoint how or when it had started, only that at some point, he began to realise that he wasn’t feeling all there.

And now those cloudy feelings were just… gone, for the most part.

So strange…

His awareness now was completely different to how he had felt earlier. How had he not noticed the change? The difference was so stark.

At least Gavin…

Shit.

At least Gavin had been around.

Connor might have lost himself otherwise. Without that external influence it could have taken much longer for him to climb back out from the fog.

“Sorry.” Connor said, catching Gavin’s eye. “I’m not sure what happened there.”

A frown twisted the detective’s lip. “Did you remember somethin’?”

“No… It just… I don’t know, it just happened. There wasn’t really a reason…”

“You're not thinkin’ about shitty stuff too much?”

Connor shook his head, “I wasn’t thinking about anything bad… or about _anything_ , really. It was… odd. I didn’t notice it happening. There was no trigger.”

Gavin nodded, worrying at his lower lip for a few seconds, eyes darting over the android. Thinking. “Guess you’ve been pretty stressed lately, Con. Maybe it was just a build up of stuff.”

“I think you could be right.” The android said, mulling over the words for a long moment. He let out a tired breath. “In any case, thank you.”

Gavin shrugged. “S’okay.”

“I… hope I haven’t spoiled the evening too much.”

“Nah, you haven’t.”

Connor fiddled with the cuff of his shirt uncertainly. 

“Ay.” Gavin demanded, hand held out, “Get here, dipshit.” The android certainly didn’t need to be asked twice. He slipped into the other’s arms and held on tight, face tucking in close. “What’m’I gonna do with you, huh?”

Connor’s only response was a quiet huff of amusement and a soft kiss against the closest part of the man he could find. His neck. 

“Nothin’ to worry about, Con. Promise.” 

“Thank you.” The android murmured, grateful for the vibrations of Gavin’s voice humming through him. Grounding him further to this moment. 

“You don’t need t’ thank me, dumbass.”

Perhaps not, but he wanted to. He kissed Gavin’s neck again. A silent ‘thank you’ only they could share. “I don’t deserve you.” 

There was a beat, then Gavin seemed to stiffen at the words. Said nothing for several seconds. “Connor…?”

The word sounded so utterly bewildered that the android had to pull back, trying to decipher what it meant alongside the facial expression. 

“What?”

The man looked completely dumbfounded. “Jesus. If anyone here doesn’t deserve something it’s me not deserving _you_.”

“Nonsense.” Connor said, hand lifting, fingers brushing over the man’s stubble, “You are so important to me.”

“And since when did that make you undeserving?”

“I…” Connor didn’t know what to say, expression puzzled. He wasn’t aware he’d said anything incorrect. 

“Actually, you know what? Why are we both putting ourselves down?” Gavin said. “You like me, right?” 

“Very much so.”

“Aight. I like you too. So how’s about you stop putting yourself down in order to lift me up, because you’re fucking incredible.”

Connor said nothing, LED yellow… Surprised at this sudden turn of events. And maybe a little startled by the truths Gavin was suddenly throwing out. “Only if you do the same.” 

“You got yourself a deal, tincan.” 

Admiration began to surge through the android’s chest. He couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the other.

Somehow Gavin always seemed to bring out the best in Connor. Underneath the rough facade he was so kind. Constantly surprising with his patience, and cheering up with his charming wit. Connor loved him so much. _So much._

Something must have unwittingly changed in the android’s expression, because it was clearly starting to make the man flush pink (and purposefully scowl), “You’re such a dumbass.” Gavin huffed into the silence, trying very hard not to smile. 

“I thought you said I was _incredible_.” 

The man was crimson. “Shut up.”

“You’re very sweet.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Connor fought back the urge to laugh, dialling back his teases for now. “Thank you, though. I really do appreciate what you said. And you’re right… perhaps we both need to try harder to be kinder to ourselves.”

“Mm.”

Amusement spread. “And now you’re mad at me for teasing you.”

“No.”

“Mhm.”

“Not.” Gavin muttered something else quietly. It sounded a lot like ‘Asshole’, though the sulking tone hid most of it well. But the grin that followed had Connor leaning in close.

“I’m surprised you’ve not gloated at me yet.” He murmured, lip curling.

“For what?” Gavin replied in the same tone.

“I told you that you were right.”

“Well, shit.” The man chuckled, “You did.”

“Not a common occurrence.”

“Not one bit.”

Eyes darted up and down, side to side. Searching.

Lips met, soft. Grinning. Quiet chuckles muffled between kisses. 

“Perhaps I need to call you ‘right’ more often.” Connor hummed, hands curling around the other's back, holding him close. He felt Gavin’s lips twist higher.

“Not gonna say no to that, princess.”

Mouths moved together again, kissing deeper. Connor was so pleased he could take in these smaller details once more. The feel of Gavin pressed up against him, and the warmth that radiated from the man. His hands gentle but firm. He constantly helped to ground the android, sometimes without realising he was even doing it. 

A buzzer startled them both.

Ruefully Gavin pulled away, twisting in Connor’s arms to silence it. 

Hands moved back to the android’s hips. Eyes darted down to his mouth. “Oven’s pre-heated.” 

Connor swallowed. “I suppose that means you’ll have to unhand me.” 

“Seems like.”

Neither of them moved for several seconds, evidently wanting to continue their earlier activity. It was only Gavin’s stomach grumbling that finally seemed to snap Connor out of it.

“You need to eat.”

“I could wait.”

“As much as I would like to take you up on that offer Detective, you’ve not eaten since this morning.”

“Yes I have.”

“Oh you have, have you? And what did you eat?”

“… A donut.” 

Connor rose a brow. 

“It had fruit in it.” Gavin countered. 

“Raspberry jelly does not count as fruit.”

“Says you.”

“You’re infuriating sometimes, you know that?”

“It’s part of my charm.”

Connor hummed a quiet laugh, searching the other’s face. He wasn’t wrong. “Now,” The android took a moment to shake himself mentally, “You need to eat. I need to… do something. Stay busy, I suppose.”

“I can think of a way to keep you busy.” Gavin said, lips spreading into a smirk.

Connor felt a staticky sensation within, eyes dropping to the other’s mouth, craving the comfort that Gavin’s touch always gave. “I’m sure you can.”

“Yup.”

He gave in. “I suppose you could… tell me more.” 

The detective’s brow quirked, interested, “Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” Gavin said, leaning in close again, lips brushing his cheek.

“I did ask nicely.”

“You’re good like that.”

“I am.”

Lips touched the android’s ear. “You ready to hear it?”

Connor shut his eyes, humming a sound that was admittedly needier than intended.

The detective whispered, _“Wash the dishes.”_

Connor exhaled in dismay, _“Gavin…”_ The man was laughing loudly, the sound of it buzzing through the android in an incredibly pleasant way. “You’re such—” Connor kissed him aggressively between the words, “an idiot— sometimes, and I— don’t understand _how_ I put up with you.”

“You love me.” Gavin grinned, kissing him for several long seconds. Melting into the connection.

“Irrelevant.” Connor said, finally pulling back.

“I think it’s very relevant.”

“And I think you’re an ass.”

“Touché.”

**Author's Note:**

> ✩‧₊*:· **Bonus** ·:*₊‧✩
> 
> “Alright, Con. Wash those dishes for me, hm?”
> 
> A note of laughter escaped. “I see how it is.”
> 
> Gavin’s lip curled. “What? You said it yourself, you need to stay busy.”
> 
> “Uh huh.” Connor said, unable to stop a grin.
> 
> “I’m thinking of your wellbeing here.”
> 
> “Sure. I believe you.”
> 
> “I care about you.”
> 
> “You love me.” Connor said. 
> 
> “Mhm.”
> 
> “That’s very sweet.”
> 
> “Shut up.”
> 
> “You love me.” 
> 
> “Connor.” Gavin warned.
> 
> “I love you.”
> 
> The detective groaned. “Stop with the sappy shit.”
> 
> “Never.”
> 
> ___________________
> 
> Title inspiration comes from '[Driftwood](https://youtu.be/8NRAOg1c2l0?t=166)' by Blue Wednesday ft. Middle School x tender spring.


End file.
